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"If you think you know me, read my blog and think again. I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It. I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life. This is my blog so Click here if you hate it." ;p  D.O.B: 21 December 1982 Career: Accounts Officer more about me @ Friendster Multiply Azlin Alex - Blog in spanish Diana - Colleague Nana (3rd sis) Suhaila(4th sis) Yurialex |
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
9:36 PM It's hard to let go of somebody whom you like a lot & spent the time with that somebody... Furthermore if he fits in what you have in mind for a guy... Eventhough, the other party is the bad guy but I still can't get him outta of my heart. I do not know what I had done wrong to get this kind of treatment. Until now, I still dont know the reason... Is it my fault or is it not? I'll always wonder all the times... I've been trying to move on but maybe i'm doing it all wrong. Been putting a lot of my effort at work & never ever trust guys again or i'm always full of doubts about them. Because of him, I'm like this... People looked at me and think that I'm always happy but really, really, really deep down... I'm still picking up & glueing my million shattered pieces of heart. Upon his name or any memories with him, there's a tendency that this fragile broken heart will shattered again. I just can't bear to hear his name or even something that gotta relate to him... 'cause the result would be me thinking about my past and wondering again what I had done wrong. Sometimes I'm just so sick of asking why why and why.... pondering... wondering... remembering... and crying over a stupid person (I know he's not worth crying but my sensitive side always wins the battle...) I know it's not only me who experience this in life but who doesn't... Found this phrase in my sis blog which is "Keep walking ahead.... and never looked back..." Well, I guess if I have to move on, I gotta keep walking ahead... But then maybe I got the tendency to looked back... Maybe thats why I feel this way... But Insya'allah, I would be strong and deal with this... Amin Sunday, July 25, 2004
2:19 PM Darn... What's wrong with the music now...?? The media can't play the music!! And it's so darn quiet in here... Something must be wrong with Cody's Music website i guess... That's it. I'm uploading my own songs now @ Angelfire.com... Eventhough I have to find some time to do another blog on that server... Cant stand the silence here.. I need music!! Dont know what's wrong with me yesterday... Keep forgetting things... Maybe it's the age thing.. but pleEeeaSssee... I'm only 22... First, I thought I lost 10 bucks when my sis wanna change two 5 dollars with my 10 bucks... Been thinking and worrying for about 2 hours on what I had done with the money... After some time, I realised that I had used the money!! Then I thought my friend's show was yesterday which gonna be held at SP convention. Had already prepared what to wear to see her act and msg her sis to tell me how the plan is later. When it's 6+ in the evening, there's still no news from her sis and I thought she had forgotten and so, I waited until I had fallen asleep & woke up at 8+... Msg my friend 'cause I got a missed call from her and found out that the show will be on 31 July... Darn!! No wonder there's no reply from her sis?? There's no show... Duh!! Jeez... What's happening to me?? Must be the stress and lots of thinking I got from work.... Darn... *checks for any gray hairs* Phew... Saturday, July 17, 2004
11:10 AM Was just checking my messages in anakmelayu when I've got a friend request. Decided to check it out who's that person and I realised it was my sec. schl mate. Got a shocked and happy too since all of us had lost contact. Click on his friends list & found out that all of them were my sec. schl mates. Boy... was I so busy that night clicking on their profile and adding them to my list of friends. As I looked at their picture gallery, I find out that I'm the only one who had lost contact with them. They still do meet together & hang out, that is I assume according to the photos that I saw in their photo gallery. Well... Cant blame them, my sec schl mates were all in the same CCA back then, well... not all... but they are always together in school. But as for me... I went to a different CCA. I think if I could turn back time & joined the malay culture CCA. I would be so close to them and still contact each other. I would have malay friends in my life whom I can go out and hang out with. Not like the current situation I'm in where I have a few malay friends. The only ones that I have now were the new friends that I've made in the irc world and also not forgetting my 2 friends from poly. But what about my malay sec schl friends?? I've always wanted to join them but everytime I joined them, let's say on a Hari Raya Outing, I always feel awkward with them. It's like I always keep quiet most of the time. Not because I'm arrogant but because I don't know what to talk most of the time... They seem so natural talking together and joking around... And so I felt left out... I've always felt that way... So how am I gonna be so close to them, if I feel that way. Maybe if I were to be with them, I wouldn't be so lonely at the age of 22 with no one special yet in my life. I think if I could turn back time, my life would totally changed. Honestly, I've always envied them whenever I go out with them on Hari Raya Outing. I envy their closeness of friendship... On the other hand, if I were to hang out with all my sec. schl mates, I'm afraid that one person would always disturb my feelings. You see, I had liked one of my classmates. It started in geography class where my friends all had occupied the front seats and there was no more space. So I had to go to the last back row which was empty and sit all alone by myself. Then came this guy who was late and sit besides me. From there, I had set my eyes on him and fell in love. I've always like geography classes and cant wait for that period. He makes me smile and made all my problems go away. He would always joked about us like being a husband n wife and asking me what I'll be cooking or what he wants when he came back home... And one day when I told I had a crush on my band mate, he would said something like "how could you liked someone else when I'm here..." Sigh... Those were the days... My secondary school life... But that ends when he failed his N level and had to stay back and my feelings still carried on until I graduate from sec. schl. So when I joined the Hari Raya Outing with my sec schl mates on 2002 I think, I found out that he had liked one of my classmates. I was devastated but then the girl that he liked was my friend (she's his gf now) and they are suitable. With me, I don't think so... A good looking guy and an ordinary plump girl like me?? Hah! Eventhough it saddens me but hey... love can't be forced... All I want for him is to be happy & I wish him best of luck... So you see, sometimes I feel that my life now is so pathetic. I feel like I don't have any friends at all. I mean a friend where I can be close to and hang out with... Not that I don't have friends at all but I do... Like my 2nd sis, she had a bestfriend and they always are there for each other no matter what happens... I envy my sis for having that kind of relationship... Why cant I have one like that?? Maybe its me... I guess I didn't try hard in sustaining the friendship with my sec. schl mates... I guess I'm the one to be blame... Sunday, July 11, 2004
3:19 PM Ahh... Finally, I can rest... Been helping my mum in the kitchen since morning.. Helped her to cook Mee Soto and also make the potato cutlets. My 3rd sis helped by peeling the chicken to pieces.. My 2nd sis is busy cleaning up her stuff in the room... My 4th sis had already gone to her religious class... And my daddy... Hmm, lets say he helped himself with the food after it is prepared on the table.. Hehehe... Anyway, watched Spiderman 2 yesterday and it was amazing. Totally must see it... Booked the tickets through AXS and got at the middle last row seats. That make the whole movie even more better!! Hahaha... Next time if I wanna watched a movie, I think I'll booked the tickets through AXS... Hehehe... As I was saying Spiderman 2 was good and funny too... The effects were darn amazing when Spidey fought with Doc. Oct... And... finally, in the end MJ would know who Spidey really is and I guess Peter would be swinging with joy now, as MJ decides to be with him... I assume there's gonna be Spiderman 3... Hmm.... let's see... I think in Spiderman 3, it's Harry's (Spidey's bestfriend) turn who's gonna be evil, maybe to avenge his father's death or maybe becoz Spidey practically ruined his life... I guess the plot of the story will be the same... 1. Bestfriend turn evil 2. Destroy the city or innocent ppl to get Spidey's attention 3. Fight with Spidey 4. Enemy retreat and find a better idea to ruin Spidey's life 5. Kidnap MJ and plans to destroy the city with something 6. And finally Spidey comes to save the day Hahaha... isnt all heroic comic movies soOOoo typical.... Well, lets leave the plot story to the director eh... They'll know what to do to make a good movie... Friday, July 09, 2004
6:23 PM  What Color is Your Brain? brought to you by Quizilla At work or in school: I like to be with people, sharing with them, inspiring them, and helping them. I work and learn best when I can take into consideration people and the human element. I flourish in an atmosphere of cooperation. With friends: I always look for perfect love. I am very romantic, and I enjoy doing thoughtful things for others. I am affectionate, supportive and a good listener. With family: I like to be happy and loving. I am very sensitive to rejection from my family and to family conflicts. I really like to be well thought of and need frequent reassurance. I love intimate talks and warm feelings. Hmm... my brain is blue?? hahaha... well that explain on why I like blue so much... Muuahhahaha... Sunday, July 04, 2004
12:06 AM Hmm.. Dont know what to blog about. I've done nothing interesting today besides working and going to Geylang Serai with my mum. Went shopping and bought clothes, some malay vcds, long skirt... etc... And now I'm so tired and my feet are aching... Darn, now I've got a big headache.. Anyway, I've been keeping in contact with my penpal, Terry. Both of us sort of lost contact in writing to each other. I guess we have been busy in our lives... When I got his mail, I realise that I had missed writing to him. Not missing him in the sort that I had feelings for him but missing him in a way as a good friend. Terry is someone who you can rely on telling all your problems and he would just listen and says something that will cheer you up. That's what I liked about him all these while... How I just wished that he's living in Singapore and we can be great best friends who understand each other. Hey Terry, I remembered telling you about my site and if you are reading this, I just wanna tell to you (with the whole audience here as witness) that you are the greatest penpal/friend I ever had. You always be in my heart and I will never ever forget you. You have been such a great friend by listening to my all problems back then, and writing to me to cheer me up or sharing your interesting stories that always make me laugh... Your mail always makes my day and I'm glad to have you as my friend.. May you be happy always and achieve your dreams... likes waves upon the sand like day and night like birds in flight like snowflakes when they land but you and I are something else our friendship's here to stay like weeds and rocks and old dirty socks it never goes away |
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