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asilah

D.O.B: 21 December 1982
Career: Accounts Officer
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Saturday, March 05, 2005

9:33 PM

I am sOooo darn pissed off today with someone. And that someone is MeeEee myself!!!

Remember I told that I have to attend to my collegue's wedding event on 5th March. Well it turns out that I did not go after all. Bet you want to know what happened right?

Here's how the story goes. I was supposed to go with my mum 'cause 2 of my collegues could not make it leaving me and another one of my colleagues. But that colleague is going with his wife & kids and so that leaves me alone. Anyway me & mum had already went out and reached there at 4 pm. But to my dismay, I had found out that the event was held at her house. Not under her block... Sheeshhh!!

I was like under her block with my mum hesitating whether I should go up or not. There I was feeling like a lost girl in a big jungle. I felt so alone!! I mean I do not even know anyone up there besides the bride. Furthermore, my mum do not even know any of these people. I do not mind if it's held under her block but at her home with all her unknown friends and relatives... I would be having a panic attack of not knowing what to do if I were to go up.

Apart from the above feeling that was going thru inside me, I decided to go up at all. And so I took the elevator and went up. Say some prayers to make sure everything would have gone alright but ONE LOOK at her house with lots of people outside her door made me walked straight to the stairs. My mum just followed me behind knowing that we are not going in. That's it. I finally had chickened out!!!

Angry tears started to flow as I am so darn angry at myself. I just walked towards the bus stop, with my mum trying to comfort me saying that my colleague would understand my situation as to why I did not attend her invitation. I kinda vent my anger at her by talking back at her in a high tone and also not answering to her qns. People must be thinking that me & my mum was having an argument.

I was in my own world thinking about what I have done all the way back home. If I had someone to go along with me who also knows the bride, things would be different. It's not that I blamed my colleagues for not coming with me. The real fact is that I dont blame anyone. I blamed myself for being such a coward!!! I could have just gone to her house and mingle but nOOooo. Instead of doing that, I let my feelings take over me and went back home.

Only one word can describe this. Pha-the-tic!!!

p/s:
I decided to buy a wedding gift for my colleague when she comes back to work and include a card with my personal message inside. Hope that will make do with my absence on that day. And I gotta think of something for the way I treat towards my mum today. Maybe I bring her shopping just to show how sorry I am....