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"If you think you know me, read my blog and think again. I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It. I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life. This is my blog so Click here if you hate it." ;p  D.O.B: 21 December 1982 Career: Accounts Officer more about me @ Friendster Multiply Azlin Alex - Blog in spanish Diana - Colleague Nana (3rd sis) Suhaila(4th sis) Yurialex |
Saturday, July 17, 2004
11:10 AM Was just checking my messages in anakmelayu when I've got a friend request. Decided to check it out who's that person and I realised it was my sec. schl mate. Got a shocked and happy too since all of us had lost contact. Click on his friends list & found out that all of them were my sec. schl mates. Boy... was I so busy that night clicking on their profile and adding them to my list of friends. As I looked at their picture gallery, I find out that I'm the only one who had lost contact with them. They still do meet together & hang out, that is I assume according to the photos that I saw in their photo gallery. Well... Cant blame them, my sec schl mates were all in the same CCA back then, well... not all... but they are always together in school. But as for me... I went to a different CCA. I think if I could turn back time & joined the malay culture CCA. I would be so close to them and still contact each other. I would have malay friends in my life whom I can go out and hang out with. Not like the current situation I'm in where I have a few malay friends. The only ones that I have now were the new friends that I've made in the irc world and also not forgetting my 2 friends from poly. But what about my malay sec schl friends?? I've always wanted to join them but everytime I joined them, let's say on a Hari Raya Outing, I always feel awkward with them. It's like I always keep quiet most of the time. Not because I'm arrogant but because I don't know what to talk most of the time... They seem so natural talking together and joking around... And so I felt left out... I've always felt that way... So how am I gonna be so close to them, if I feel that way. Maybe if I were to be with them, I wouldn't be so lonely at the age of 22 with no one special yet in my life. I think if I could turn back time, my life would totally changed. Honestly, I've always envied them whenever I go out with them on Hari Raya Outing. I envy their closeness of friendship... On the other hand, if I were to hang out with all my sec. schl mates, I'm afraid that one person would always disturb my feelings. You see, I had liked one of my classmates. It started in geography class where my friends all had occupied the front seats and there was no more space. So I had to go to the last back row which was empty and sit all alone by myself. Then came this guy who was late and sit besides me. From there, I had set my eyes on him and fell in love. I've always like geography classes and cant wait for that period. He makes me smile and made all my problems go away. He would always joked about us like being a husband n wife and asking me what I'll be cooking or what he wants when he came back home... And one day when I told I had a crush on my band mate, he would said something like "how could you liked someone else when I'm here..." Sigh... Those were the days... My secondary school life... But that ends when he failed his N level and had to stay back and my feelings still carried on until I graduate from sec. schl. So when I joined the Hari Raya Outing with my sec schl mates on 2002 I think, I found out that he had liked one of my classmates. I was devastated but then the girl that he liked was my friend (she's his gf now) and they are suitable. With me, I don't think so... A good looking guy and an ordinary plump girl like me?? Hah! Eventhough it saddens me but hey... love can't be forced... All I want for him is to be happy & I wish him best of luck... So you see, sometimes I feel that my life now is so pathetic. I feel like I don't have any friends at all. I mean a friend where I can be close to and hang out with... Not that I don't have friends at all but I do... Like my 2nd sis, she had a bestfriend and they always are there for each other no matter what happens... I envy my sis for having that kind of relationship... Why cant I have one like that?? Maybe its me... I guess I didn't try hard in sustaining the friendship with my sec. schl mates... I guess I'm the one to be blame... |
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